Daniel Gonzalez // Blog Writer
Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L James is one of the best books I’ve ever read. I know, it’s supposedly a piece of trash, but hear me out. I think people are reading it the wrong way. Have you ever seen a bad movie that was so bad it turned out to be good? I’m sure we all have (my personal favorite is Birdemic). It’s like that—it’s not meant to be a masterpiece. Some of the writing in this book is so atrocious that I can’t imagine having to take it seriously. While I was reading it, I was sharing laughs with all my friends at each ridiculous scene I came upon—most of them being the “steamy” sex scenes.
In contrast, the movie was terrible. It had none of the funny lines from the book, there weren’t enough sex scenes, and those that were there were somehow both pornographic and boring. It was as though I was supposed to take the story seriously.
A little background, for those of you that don’t know much about it. Fifty Shades of Grey started out as a Twilight fanfiction titled Masters of the Universe, in which Bella Swan, a college student, finds herself inexplicably drawn to Edward Cullen, CEO of Cullen Holdings Enterprises Inc. With him, Bella learns all about the world of BDSM and sex toys, from butt plugs to genital clamps. However, Bella wants more than to be a sex slave, and Cullen struggles to confront his issues with relationships in order to be with her.
It’s actually exactly the same as the novel that would go on to sell 100 million copies—save for the names. Christian Grey woos Anastasia Steele with helicopter rides and nondisclosure agreements, but unfortunately for her, Grey is actually “fifty shades of fucked up.” The relationship between Christian and Ana is stalkerish, at best, and any normal college student would have called 911 long before a contract is introduced. However, their sex is apparently incredible, and thus we are left to deal with this conflict between lust and love for another two books.
I wouldn’t have even thought about reading the book had I watched the movie first. The movie is missing all the great lines from the book, like, “I feel the color in my cheeks rising, again. I must be the color of the communist manifesto,” or, “His erection springs free. Holy cow!”
Many of the things that I found funny on paper were just not as funny on screen. “I don’t make love. I fuck. Hard.” This was one of my favorite lines, however Christian Grey the movie character was so serious about it that I was unable to laugh. The sex scenes were not nearly as kinky as in the book, perhaps due to the restraints of an R rating. Nor were they as silly; without Ana’s “inner goddess” doing dances in bright red hula skirts, I just couldn’t involve myself in a way that would make the movie as fun to watch as the book was to read. In short, the book’s endless shortcomings were made much more obvious in the movie.
All in all, it wasn’t a very pleasant movie, at least after having read the book. Maybe I set my expectations too high Fifty Shades of Grey ended up being one of my favorite books, in the same way that Birdemic became one of my favorite movies. The movie would never be able to be up to snuff. However, had I watched the movie first, I wouldn’t have even picked up the book in the first place; the movie wasn’t entertaining even as a standalone story. I suppose it’s important to remember then, that the book is always better than the movie.
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